Everybody who has a dog calls him rover or boy. I call mine Sex. He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When I went to city hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I,d like one, too!" Then I said, But this is a dog." He said he didn,t care what she looked like. I said, "you don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "you must have been quite a kid."

When i got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.

He said, "you don't need a special room . As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do." I said "Look, you don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, I have the same problem.

One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him i had planed to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, I had hoped to have Sex on TV. He said, Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal anymore.

When my wife and i separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, your honor, i had Sex before I was married. The judge said, This courtroom isn't a confessional, stick to the case, please.

Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said that happens to a lot of people.

Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning? I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up friday.

NEmN